Spur of The Moment [Memory #10]

How long had it been since she started wearing this mask? She had been trying to conform to what was expected for her for so long, that she had forgotten what she expected herself to be. Or that she actually had a real face underneath. When she was little, she covered her own feelings by being the perfectly obedient, average child. Never a disappointment, but carefully tried to never be seen as too accomplished either to avoid any attention to her. As she grew up it changed into a more upbeat demeanor, a spirited and lively persona which she thought would convey to everyone that she was always alright. And now, when she could not indulge in her happy faces as frequently, it morphed into her cold, poised expression, which gave assurance that she was always in charge, even if her emotions slipped now and then.

Because the young princess, who almost single-handedly held the kingdom together now, could not afford to be weak. The moment her enemies detected weakness, they would surely pounce and shattered the kingdom she had carefully nurtured, back into irredeemable pieces. She could not allow that.

So, as soon as she heard footsteps her stance changed instantly. More casual. More in control. It was like a bent willow tree that immediately straightened itself the moment the storm passed. Several furious blink hidden from view took care of the lingering tears, so that no one should know how her vision was slightly blurred. Inwardly, she cursed herself silently for forgetting that there were people in the stable too, although far less than usual this early in the day.

One of the stablehands, taller than her. Their eyes met, and the gentleman gave a bow with Marianne returned with a nod of her head. In a single glance the princess reflexively analyzed him, taking cues of his upbringing, work, experience and the like. Years of trying hard to fit herself made that easy for her.

The man held a handkerchief towards her.

“Are you alright?”

What else could the Princess of Hyrule said except that she was alright? She was always alright.

"More or less," she replied, accepting the handkerchief gracefully with an equally graceful smile, "I fell from the saddle when we rode, but nothing too serious." She noticed with dismay that the whiteness of the handkerchief was sullied by the grime and dirt on her face. She guessed that her hair did not look much better.

"I am sorry," she said when returning the dirtied handkerchief, "I got yours all dirty. I shall wash my face properly later."

She started running her fingers through her hair, straining little twigs and blades of grasses to be put away, when the conversation moved towards her horse. "Yes. She is quite spirited.... I haven't had many chances to ride with her, even moreso since she was brought here. So maybe she... resents me for it...."

However she tried to hide it, there was no mistaking the sad tone she used. She was hurt, and there was no denying it.

The man received the handkerchief back, telling her that she need not apologize for it, which prompted a small thank-you smile from Marianne. Small talks and small respects. Some people might say that anything other than direct meaning was a waste of time in any conversation. Marianne disagreed. It was the little things which made a conversation smooth and felt... hylian, the lubricant in the gears of society. As a philosopher once said, it was the small things which made it grand.

And the cause of her horse's disobedience... was that she did not trust her. Strangely, it came as no surprise to Marianne. Someone who could not trust herself ought not to be trusted by others.

"So, she doesn't trust me..." she mused, trying to sound neutral but could not help but let her real bitterness slip, "Somehow I don't doubt that." It was a sad thing to notice that someone so young, the princess of the realm, saying that she did not doubt her horse did not trust her. The very choice of words brought countless questions and unsavory implications.

They was he referred to them was missed on Marianne, but his next introduction didn't. Marianne watched impassively as he gave her another bow, which she politely returned with slightly less deep bow, as befitting their status. "Desmond. You are very diligent, to have started working on the saddles this early hour." She smiled. "Most have only started to groom their charges by now."

She could not in any way see Desmond cleaning the saddles, but she seemed to pick it up from the grease in his hand and the faint smell of substance this particular ranch used to clean their saddles. The princess of Hyrule seemed to be extraordinarily perceptive. In the same way, she was a princess still, finding no need to introduce herself with a name back. She did not do it out of malice or snobbishness -that was just how she was raised. And she had been in this ranch for so many times that she would have found anyone not knowing her very strange.

"Oh..."

The princess let out a small surprised sound when Desmond turned a bit and smacked the pumpkin against his knee, stepping back a little as she did so. Her horse let out a neigh and whipped her tail around, impatient about something. Marianne's silver eyes widened with interest when she showed her the pumpkin and promptly told her what to do about her horse.

The irony did not escape the princess, who, quite surprisingly, laughed with a honest glee.

It fit her much better, that lovely smile she wore. Rather the gloom and doom caretaker of the realm in black and red attire, she seemed to be what she was meant to be: the princess of the realm.

She certainly looked beautiful when she was happy.

"Yet, here you are telling me what to do," she chuckled, still smiling, "But I trust you, Desmond, and I already know your name so... it is alright." And she proceeded to take the pumpkin and offered it to the horse, palm flat as instructed. The horse lowered her head, sniffed the pumpkin on the princess' hand, and snorted-

And promptly withdrew with a neigh, refusing to touch the princess' offering.

The way the princess' face fell would remind someone of being suddenly punched in the gut. It was tragic -and sad- how the small happiness she got from the laugh was quickly robbed off of her. But it only happened for a short while, for the next moment she had regained control of her expression as usual,giving a small shrug as if it was not a big deal. Her sad silver eyes, however, told otherwise.

"Ah.... It doesn't work for me," A forced a laugh, as she returned the pumpkin in what she clearly thought was a nonchalant way, "We have to spend more time together, it seems. Maybe you will have better luck than me? You seem to be someone who has quite a way with horses~"

Indeed, if it was Desmond, Macha would promptly respond as intended. The fact only served to hurt Marianne even more.

And there she went. When this Desmond offered the very same pumpkin, Macha ate it with no problem. Though she did not show it outwardly, Marianne was very dismayed. The nobles of the realms were a very different story, with their own wants and whims, but she would at least like to pretend that she could control her own horse. Even that small measure of confidence was robbed from her.

Seeing Desmond handled her own horse easily, she could not help but think that... maybe it was right.... Some things could not be learned. Some things could only come naturally, no matter how hard someone tried for it. Just like destructive magic came naturally to her and her wealth of knowledge came from hours of dedication, so would she never be able to handle horses as naturally at this stablehand did.

It... irked her a little, though not in anyway towards the kind Desmond. No, she was not that petty a person. She was only a little frustrated because she genuinely believed that everything could be achieved with enough hard work.

"They can’t always understand what you want until you’re closer. So in the meantime, talking to them, walking beside them, and just trying to soothe them helps. Otherwise, they’ll never know how you really feel or if you’re honest about it...”

"I see..."

And then, he asked her whether it would be alright to invite her on a walk around the field with her horse. A bit unexpected, but Marianne would love to comply. She was forced to cut off her riding schedule early because of Macha's stubbornness, so if she could fulfill that schedule she would be grateful.

She shook her head, telling him it was a fair request. "I don't mind at all. I was forced to return from riding early after all."

She moved closer towards her horse and timidly took back the rein. The horse snorted, looking at her with her fiery black eyes. The princess looked a little unsure.

"So... what do you want me to do? Lead Macha around?"

Certainly, the offer was something Marianne would readily accept. She had seen herself how easily Desmond handled her horse. Watching him in action more would prove to be a very interesting chance to learn! Marianne nodded, almost too energetically, and for a moment her face was as bright as when she was smiling before.

"That is so very kind of you, Desmond. Of course, I'd be happy to have you walk with us. In fact, I'd insist! I am sure I can learn much from you."

But then, her face suddenly grew concerned "Of course, I wish not to impose on you if you still have tasks to do...." she added, genuine in her unwillingness to take time away from Desmond's own needs. Despite it all, she doubted she would get Macha anywhere without the stablehand.

Which was proved really, really quickly. As Marianne took a few steps and pulled at the reins, the horse refused to move. And the more she tried to pull, the harder the beast resisted.

"Ah... you see what I have to put up with...." she huffed, turning towards the stablehand with a 'what should I do' grin on her face. "How is the best way to soothe a horse?"

Marianne looked curiously at another pumpkin trick Desmond attempted, and was even more curious that it worked! Macha walked slowly, stubbornly, towards the pumpkin, acting like she didn't care while simultaneously bending down her head to munch on Desmond's offering. It gave Marianne the opportunity to pull the rein to where she wanted, as long as Desmond moved the same way, for now. It also enabled her to be move closer to the prideful mount without risking being swatted aside.

Umm, she could still be swatted aside if Macha really wanted. That beautifully maned neck was full of muscle.... But at least! Savor the small victories, yes?

It was at that time that Marianne had a bizarre thought that this horse personality might be a reflection of her own. Someone who pushed herself to act tough, no matter what she felt inside. The difference was only in the refinement. The thought gave Marianne the courage to touch the horse, really close despite her injuries from the same attempt before.

"There. There. I apologize. Was I a bit too pushy before?" she cooed, in mannerisms and tone closely mimicking what she saw Desmond did before. If anything the princess was a terribly fast learner. "I will walk slowly with you from now on. And spend more time with you..."

She smiled. "Is that what you want, Macha?"

The horse grunted, still focusing on munching the pumpkin. The princess softly patted her neck and ran her delicate fingers through her mane, her eyes becoming distant as she did so.

"I... have never took the time to really soothe my mounts before, I realized," she confessed, "Usually they are so obedient.... They got me where I wanted, and I think I took it for granted....

Macha is the first one which acted like this."

A grin.

"I guess there is always something new to learn, isn't it?"

Her expression a little bit brighter now (despite the dirt), she turned towards Desmond when the pumpkin was almost done, offering him her gloved hand which was holding the reins.

"Would you hold the reins with me Desmond? I think Macha will be more comfortable with your presence." Her eyes sparkled. "And I can learn how you handle her more closely!"

“Your animal will never fully understand how you truly feel if you don’t take time to soothe them,” Desmond said, to which Marianne nodded after giving it a small thought. “You are right…. I shall remember this in the future.”

As she continued running her fingers over Macha’s mane, the practical part of her mind immediately told her that it would be no different than the political game she played every day. Substitute “animal” with “subjects”, “feelings” with “favors”, and “soothing” with “concessions” and it would be more or less the same. Ah, her thoughts. She went out riding this morning in the hope that she would be able to take her mind off her duties. She couldn’t.

She smiled with gratitude when Desmond agreed to hold the reins with her. She herself held it a little tighter than Desmond did, to show that she took his suggestion to take the lead to heart.

“Thank you. Then, please keep watch over how we are doing.”

Their hands connected by the horse reins between them, the princess and the stablehand walked in tandem, while the itinerant horse followed from behind. It was not quite a smooth walk, even with Desmond help. Then and again Macha resisted the direction she was being pulled at, and Marianne had to stop and soothe it before she would agree to walk again. But it seemed the pair made an acceptable progress!

“I think I am getting used to this,” the princess said happily after another successful attempt at soothing the horse, after which Macha neighed and moved again. The princess looked positively pleased.

“Tell me more about yourself, Desmond,” said the princess, turning towards the man walking beside her with a sweet smile. “I like knowing more about people. And I found the ease which you can bond with a hardheaded horse like Macha fascinating.

But you didn’t always live from an entirely peaceful endeavor as working with horses, did you?”

She said it a genuinely pleasant tone which told Desmond that the princess did not and would not judge anything, yet something in her smile seemed to indicate that the princess's observation made her knew much more than she let on. Which was probably made more obvious by her next words. “But I understand if you do not want to tell,” she added hastily, and with sincere apology, “Everyone is entitled to their own past. But even if you let me know, I would not tell anyone else either.”