Spur of The Moment [Memory #10]

"Don't be. There's nothing wrong with being curious," said Desmond, to which Marianne replied with a soft "thank you" nod. Curiosity was one thing the princess valued more than anything else. It was the whole foundation on which she pursued improvements so that she could better serve her duty. Yet, she also knew that some things were better left unsaid, or unquestioned. A proper curiosity was one which knew when to be pursued and when it was not. A lesson she had learned and sometimes tried to impart, but as seen with her interaction with the Kokiri she still had a long way to go in teaching.

His next comment, then, took her completely off guard.

“Consider me taking the details as just an attempt to keep that smile on your face.”

'My smile...?'

It was probably just an expression, an attempt by the stablehand to lighten the mood. But for the princess, alone at the top with no one really cared about how she fared, only that she did her duties, it came as a pleasant sentiment. For her smile belonged not to Marianne the princess nor to Marianne the judge; it belonged to Marianne the person. A smile was something she used unconsciously so often simply as her decorum demanded, and nothing else. She was never reminded that her smile actually meant something.

No.... It was wrong. Once, there was someone who also cared about that trivial aspect of her. That someone would also did anything, even silly ones, in front of her. And when teary-eyed Marianne could not help but laugh and asked why it was necessary, the answer would always be same.

"Because I like seeing you smile."

"Thank you," the princess answered gracefully, "It is nice to know that a part of me still means something to someone."

But for a moment, she swore her heart beat a little faster than normal.

Probably because of the walk....

The dark implication of such a statement on the speaker's well-being would be lost by the pleasant tone the princess used to say it. But she seemed to be undisturbed by it. She continued leading Macha along as Desmond continued his story about his family. 'So, he has already found her other family members! That is good!' The princess looked genuinely happy as she heard the news, even when Macha resisted her lead for a while and needed a few more soothing and kind words for her to move again. Bond.... Right. Perhaps this was the thing missing between their interactions so far.... She nodded and smiled at Desmond, urging him to continue with what he had to say.

As they made a turn towards more open and less-traveled space of the ranch, Desmond's story came upon his family name, and instantly the princess' eyes lightened up!

"Oh, so you are Sir Josh's brother!" she exclaimed, although perhaps a little less animated than she should be. "And Ophelia's brother, too. By Hylia, we perhaps passed each other a few times before and I never realized!"

The princess shook her head, grinning, unable to believe she missed the connection. "I have met your brother, yes -I was the one who knighted him. A fine man with uncompromising ideals which I admired, and whom I am sure would be able to face the reality of his duties properly in the future." Judging from how the new knight shut himself off the moment Marianne's words were not to his liking, he was not someone like her who could properly separate what he wanted to feel and what he needed to do. Then again, it probably was not a bad thing. The princess became the realistic person she was because of years navigating the deadly game of politics. Not everyone had the necessary fortitude and guile to be like her, and not everyone needed to be that either. Sometimes, the kingdom did need the simple person who followed his heart more than his head.

"I can vouch that your sister is alright," she continued, patting Macha once more, "And that she is indeed busy. Oh, I sure hope the three of you will be able to meet together, Desmond! There is nothing I love more than a family reunited!" She turned towards Desmond and smiled, "Do tell me of the occasion and I shall be more than happy to provide the feast!"

The princess enthusiasm was genuine, and it was not hard to understand why. For herself, a family reunited was something she probably could never achieve, at least for a long while. The simple fact that the stablehand could find his family again within her kingdom gave her the taste of the joy she could not have herself, and she was very happy about it. If she could not have happiness herself, then enabling others to be happy would suffice.

Should suffice....

They were now circling around, heading towards the stable once again. The sun was already high, and the princess had things to do later in the day. Their walk towards the stable however, was a far delightful affair than the dejected princess whom Desmond first met before. Macha was walking obediently, despite a few clash here and there, and the princess looked positively delighted at both her horse and the story of her companion.

"You know your brother declined the offer to be the Knight Captain in the future?" she asked between Macha's hoofbeats, "Sir Barrett offered to oversee him personally, but he rejected, saying he would prefer a life in Ordon Village."

She shrugged, "Hyrule will never lack competent knights to fulfill that role. Sir Josh is simply one of many. But personally, I think it is a little sad that he declined...." Turning towards Desmond, she tilted her head. "What about you, Desmond? What are you planning to do for your future?"

Though her offer of a feast was gently rebuked, Marianne took it gracefully. People often talked about her being a stiff and uncaring person, a persona she did nothing to dispel through her often uncompromising stance. But actually, if she could, she would much prefer to be understanding to everyone. She replied Desmond's chuckle with a smile of her own. "I understand. Besides, family gathering is a personal affair, am I right? Still, allow me to be happy for you, Desmond." Happiness.... Such a rare and wonderful thing, happiness is.

She nodded at Desmond's assessment of his brother's actions, but offered no reply. That much she knew about Sir Josh, and what Desmond said confirmed it. She would not force someone to take a position they did not want to if she could help it, since she knew those people tended not to do their job admirably anyway. And while she understood Sir Josh's stance, if she were in his position she would not think twice to accept. The better she could use her talents for the betterment of many, the happier she would be. After all, she had been doing just that almost her whole life.

Or at least, that was what she had been telling herself whenever she woke up in the morning and felt such crushing emptiness she sometimes found it hard to get off her bed. 'Duty', she said to herself over and over again, 'Duty. Everyone is born to do their part, and your part is this, Marianne. Only by doing your duty to the utmost will you find fulfillment. Only by fulfilling what you are expected to do will you do your position justice. In the end, when you look back and see all that you have done, you will be happy. You will be happy in the end....'

But sometimes, especially during those sleepless night when she pushed herself even though her tired eyes begged her to close them and simply sleep the night away, she did wonder....

When would be the end?

Would she even live to be happy in the end?

Did she even deserve to be happy, when the people whom she bore responsibility to did not?

Desmond's simple statement about his bond with the animals and how she felt comfortable brought a smile to the princess' face; a sweet, genuine smile that would make any heart flutter. It was nice to know he was quite passionate about his works -dragons? Marianne raised her eyebrows a little. Golems. She was somehow reminded of Monster Research Council. Desmond would perhaps find such organization interesting.

“.... But I’m happy with the animals and people I work with now,” he concluded, to which the princess nodded. "I can see that," she chuckled, "Good for you, Desmond."

She pulled Macha's reign along as they neared the stables, the horse having been far more obedient than when they started thanks to Desmond's gentle guidance. There were a few stablehands running here and there, saluting the princess and her companions as they went, which Marianne returned effortlessly while still talking with Desmond. Marianne's stable, of course, was a special building, as were other steeds belonging to the Royal Family. Here there were only two of them and Macha, walking slowly along the periphery.

And Desmond's next question, unexpectedly, brought a laugh from the princess. A genuine laugh. It was beautiful, the way she laughed; she sounded like crystal bells in a clear winter morning.

"A good friend of mine once asked the very same question," she replied, ending her laugh, " 'What do you want to do?' he said. Then, as now, my answer remained the same...."

Her tone lowered. And though her expression was still radiant from the laugh, she looked positively ashamed.

"... I don't know."

There was no hint of lying or an attempt at being dramatic at her answer. No. This young woman really did not know the answer to the question: What does she want to do?

"It is a strange answer, I know," she continued, staring at her feet rather than Desmond now, a faint red appearing on her cheeks, "My good friend told me that in no uncertain terms.... But whenever I think of it.... I realized that...whatever I do, I do it because I have to.... Because it will help me with my duties. From riding horses -like with Macha now- to learning languages, to... to investigating ancient ruins, they all serve to enable me to do better at what is required of me as a Royal of the Realm...."

She lifted her face. "...Perhaps, what I want to do is doing what I have to do to the best of my abilities," she grinned, obviously trying hard to look confident, "You'll think of me as a strange person because of it, right...? Everyone thinks so...."

To each their own, perhaps. But this young woman with a smile genuinely believed in what she felt. Or at least, genuinely trying to believe in her own conviction. She had been diving deep into her role for so long that, perhaps, the concept of herself as a person was genuinely unthinkable for her.

“No.”

‘Eh?’

Marianne’s eyes, which had been downcast before, shyly lifted, up to meet the stablehand’s own.

“It’s a lot bigger of a question than people admit, ‘specially if you’ve never thought about it.” He continued, leading Macha into her stable and started removing her equipment. All the while the princess stood a little to the side, letting him do his thing while she watched, her expression mixed. “The future is big and has a lot of potential. And so do you. Whatever you decide, it will feel right. And if you don’t, you don’t.”

“I-I see…” she replied, unsure of what to say. She followed him out of the stall. ‘That’s just talk,’ said the cruel voice inside her head, her personal darkness, ‘You are the princess, see? No one wants to cross you, so they will say anything to make you happy. Same as the others.’

“Same as the others….” she inadvertently repeated, barely a whisper. She lifted her face, her lips half-parted as if she was about to say something....

When she caught the hint of fondness behind his gaze. She stopped.

‘My… right?’

She seemed like a willow tree in the middle of the sea, lost and unsure how she got there in the first place, seemingly never thinking about it too much until a sudden wave made her realize that it had, indeed, gotten wet. Right…. No, no. That is wrong. She had her privileges. Her citizens enabled her to have privileges. That was why, in turn, it was her duty to ensure their happiness, doing her best so that they could enjoy their life. Not her life. Theirs. Their happiness. Their enjoyment. Her own happiness would surely follow. That was what a princess should do. That was what she had been told. That was what she believed.

But then….

Then why did it all felt… so empty sometimes...?

And why did it felt very nice hearing those words from this stablehand?

Marianne smiled, offering neither a nod nor a head shake, “Thank you, Desmond. I shall remember your kind words.” Her hand went up to slip a stray hair behind her ears.

“Say… when I do come here again… May I ask for your company again, Desmond?” And for some reason, she averted her gaze. Anywhere but his eyes. “I-I mean. You have been such a great help. Just a while with you and I had bonded quite well with Macha.” She grinned. “I feel that I can still learn a lot from you about riding horses….”

That’s right. Efficiency. It was simply because he was a good teacher and his methods clearly worked. Naturally, Marianne would prefer to be taught under the one who was best fit to do so, right? She did not have much free time. Everything had to be efficient. That was all. That was all….

So, the reason her heart was racing like this was…?

“Of course.” The stablehand answered. Simple and straightforward. “I’m not always here, but the people here know where I usually am. Whenever you’d like me, I’ll be here.”

"Then it is a promise!" Marianne stated, smiling. The tip of her fingers tapped against each other in front of her.

She was not idling either! Her silver eyes followed with genuine curiosity as Desmond picked up his brush and grooming tools, stepping a little to the side so as not to hinder her movements. It dawned on her that she did not know much about how to groom her horses either -how could she? The moment she dismounted from her horse there was always someone who took her steed from her. When she wanted to ride, her horse had always been prepared: clean, well-fed, and rested, ready to take her anywhere. Even in the rare case when she journeyed on her own she only knew when to rest and feed her mount as the textbook of horse-riding stated -she did not even realize comforting them were important since she had always received a perfectly obedient one.

Oh sure, she knew everything there was to know about the theoretical part of horses. The books told her many things about horse types, how to check a horse health and age, how each breed was supposed to do and when best to let them retire or sire a foal -all the knowledge needed to make sure that, when the castle bought one no unscrupulous trader could try to cheat her. And it had been proved several times when she conducted a surprise survey and caught such traders or her own conspiring officials red-handed, as befitting her "Hawk" nickname among her ministers.

But to actually care for the horses? This was something she could learn from someone like Desmond.

He offered her a polite bow, which slightly startled her. "I'm sure you have more important things to do, but this place will always be open for you."

"Oh I am sure it will, Desmond," she replied in an airy tone, now running her hand along Macha's neck 'The Royal Family kind of own half this place anyway'. "What I wonder is whether you will open your -time- for me, too."

Her back was facing Desmond and, for some reason, she felt it would be better to focus on caressing Macha rather than turning around. Macha snorted. "And please don't worry about keeping me here. I am waiting for Miss Eva to fetch me anyway~" A sweet giggle. "And she is always on schedule~"

"For you, Princess? Always," he replied, "my time is yours"

'Oh...'

A giggle escaped the princess, crisp as the morning wind in spring.

“’My time is yours’", she repeated, clearly finding it funny somehow, “When you said it like that you sounded so… mmm… gallant? Yes, ‘Gallant’ might be the best word to describe it…."

Covering her lips a bit with her hand to hide her smile, she walked away from her horse and turned towards Desmond, her hands kept in her back, leaning slightly towards him as she commented, "Then, I'll remind you about it then when I visit again! Heehee~"

Strange strange strange- was it really such a gallant answer? Marianne asked herself. My time is yours. Your time is mine. It felt... strong? Maybe? It made her feel a slight twist within her chest when she heard his answer, but she wasn't sure why.... Was it the words or was it the one saying it? Strange... Oh well. No one ever said such things to her before, perhaps....

In any case she was certainly in a much better mood, than when Desmond found her. Alas, it quickly fell when the topic shifted to her own schedule for the day. To the princess’ credit she quickly composed herself and returned her smile, but the way her face seemed to be swept away by a dark cloud for a moment was worrying.

She was once again reminded that she had no right to be here sticking to her schedule. Even more preposterous was she dared to laugh and for a moment to genuinely felt happy. Unbelievable. Very inconsiderate of her. Her mentor was captured and was probably being tortured somewhere. The military needed serious reinforcements, both men and materials, and she had so far failed to find a compromise between the generals and the ministers of finance. And darkness was threatening her realm, seemingly originating in Gerudo Desert and clearly looked like it was the work of a force stronger than her kingdom’s own.

All of that, and she had dared to enjoy herself as if nothing happened.

'Stupid.'

“Mmm… nothing I am especially excited about, actually.” It was faint, but it was obvious that her noble stiffness from when Desmond found her had gradually returned. “There is the matter of upcoming invasion to Gerudo Desert, of course. Have your heard of it?”

She gritted her teeth. “Always, always we seem to be lacking in manpower… I’ll also host a group proposing about Eldin Memorial. Several nobles agreed and I will look for ways to actually fund such project… Oh! And also a dispute between Fisherman’s Guild and an eminent Zora family which Emperor Riven asked me personally to look into. This one I am especially not excited about.” She concluded, forcing a smile.

Except for the small comment about lacking in manpower, one would realize than although the princess seemed to be quite open, one would also realize that she essentially did not tell anything which a layperson could not know about. For all her fondness with the stablehand, at the moment he was still an outsider. Marianne was still careful not to leak out anything unnecessary.

Seemingly wanting to steer the conversation away from her, she took a closer look at the way Desmond was brushing her horse, “By the way, is there a special technique to brush a horse, Desmond? Macha seemed to quite enjoy what you are doing.” She smiled again. “Can I try doing that too?”

"Like... brushing our hair...?" The princess wondered, taking the brush offered to her with grace. "Well I hope my hair will never get as coarse as Macha's!"

True to her inquisitive nature, the princess did partake in the brushing of horse hair without hesitation. Her small shoulder even bumped on Desmond's a few times as she energetically tried to mimic what she had seen the stablehand doing. But unfortunately, while the princess possessed certain grace, she was nowhere graceful enough to handle a big animal! She made the mistake of brushing the hair not in line with it's orientation, which caused Macha to neigh and jerk her neck. Marianne's smiled apologetically towards her and Desmond, her face saying it all. Yet, she did try again and again!

“Maybe next time you come, we can get you back onto Macha here.” Desmond offered. "Mmhmm," answered the princess, not looking at him.

“And if you’d be willing, I’d like to hear more of you?"

'Eh?'

“Only if you’re comfortable, of course… Forgive me if it’s, uh, too bold. But I’d like to hear more of the girl I got to meet today?”

The princess did not stop her brushing, but at least she let out a small laugh once again. Even cuter this time.

"And is that something you've been asking every girl you meet? That you'd like to hear more of her?" she smirked. But her tone was so airy it was clear she was joking. And sure enough, the next moment she flashed a toothy grin.

"I jest, heehee~ Of course! You have the right to." She tilted her head, looking genuinely puzzled. "But... what do you want to hear more about me, Desmond?"

No one had ever asked her before that they wanted to hear more about her... Oh! Her mother did. When she was little her mother always wanted to hear how her day had gone whenever she had the time to. Marianne had always lied, simply because she enjoyed seeing her mother smile and did not have the heart to burden her with her own troubles.

"Whatever I'd... be willing to share?" repeated the princess, evidently baffled enough to stop her brushing motion. 'But what if it is not what you want to hear? I am not sure if there is something about me that is interesting enough...'

"W-well, I guess I can share my name.... But you know that already, don't you?" She gulped, her face innocently guilty. 'Hear more of me.... Hear more of me.... What he wants to hear more of me is whatever? What am I supposed to do with that?' "My full name is.... Marianne Crescentia de Hyrule. Crescentia was my dad's young- I mean, it was given by my father...." Oh? She did not usually slip this easily. Strange. "And... I am eighteen, I guess.... Born at Autumn Equinox...?" But every Hyrulean Citizen worth their citizenship would have known that already....

Then it occurred to her what Desmond said when she asked him about his past. Perhaps that is what he wants to hear more about? "Ummm I live in the Castle. Hyrule Castle- have you been there yet, Desmond? - I lived there.... Still do, in fact.... My parents passed away during Starlight Tragedy and my brother and sister.... Um, I guess we didn't really run in different directions but.... Yes, us three may do different things in life and I'd like to think we are all proud of what we have done...."

And inadvertently, she showcased her immense memory by repeating the exact order Desmond had told his story. "At some point I got... umm... No. I have never been picked up by any knights actually. I mean... not in that sense? And certainly no one ever thought of putting me in jail.... And I have been dropping on stables at my leisure so...."

She cleared her throat, clearly still confused as she first started. But at least she smiled as her eyes seek Desmond's. "Is that... Is that what you want to hear more about, Desmond? I apologize if it is not so...."

There was... a particular tone she used when she asked that question. Almost if.... Almost if she was... seeking for approval? Ah yes, right. That expression on her face was the expression of a child who had done an errand, unsure that she had done well, and she was asking for confirmation with the hidden hope of being praised by the father who had ordered the errand. It perhaps unintentionally showed just how low the princess actually regarded herself.

And those eyes? Those were clearly puppy eyes, done without her realizing so.