Second Year [Maude]

By this time Maude was decently far from her starting spot, the original damaged fence, but she figured that must be so common to him he didn't feel the need to comment. She was predictable, wasn't she? Maude looked up at him when he called out to her. She even stopped what she was working on. (That's how you can tell she liked him really.) If there was one thing to take away from the sight of MAude single handedly repairing and improving their entire fence it was that she probably didn't need help doing it, but if he wanted to be coy she'd play along, "Flattered as I am to see you offer, I'm doing alrIGHT!" And suddenly she screamed.

Her face went from playfully flirting to shocked and disturbed faster than a coin could drop. She stood up as if something had just bitten her in the ass and conveniently enough the little culprit dashed out between her legs, crawled under the fence, and bolted into to the grazing fields to a chorus of angry bleats and whinnies, leaving Maude to watch in bafflement, rub her ass, and indignantly yell at the tiny fucker, "OW!?"

Josh normally would wince if Maude fell or screamed or anything of the sort. He was moments from rushing to her side to see if she was okay - but that was when he noticed just what bit her. It'd been one of the ducks that tended to reside in their pond! Or, he thought it was anyway. Actually, it didn't look bipedal, it looked like it had a snout... A pig maybe? But it wouldn't matter as the animal that was bolting through the herd would happen to piss off one of the goats. The goat would chase after it, and before long, the unknown animal would leap through what broken part of the fence was left before taking off.

Josh's expression changed, and he burst into hysterical laughter, before making his way to Maude's side.

"Are-hahaha.... Y-you... O-Oh my Hylia... Are you okay?" He would manage to ask between laughter as he would help Maude to her feet, her cursing at the "duck" only making him laugh even harder.

"C-Hahaha.... C-come on... Let's get you inside. I'll finish the fence while you go make sure that duck didn't rip the fabric. I don't think you want people coming and seeing your cute ass in panties, as much as I'd certainly be fine with seeing it" The blonde would joke, motioning toward the door. "Don't worry, I'll take care of the rest. You did great so far, and I just finished with the animals, I can handle it."

Wasn't he just the most considerate man she knew? Actually he was, but that didn't stop him from being an asshole right now. She had to wait for him to get a hold of himself, feeling more and more irritated all the while. First she had to deal with him smacking her all the damn time, now things were biting her. She wouldn't mind if the world would just leave her ass alone and oh! oh! Good. he was a jokester now. Good. Great. She was having so much fun. That little fucker was lucky he ran off before she mind to go after it. Better not be a next time for she'll make bacon out of the thing.

Yeah, yeah she was going inside, alright? But she was going to be grumbling to herself the entire times. When was it decided that she had to deal with this bullshit? She wanted to file a complaint, a strongly worded, very loud complaints. She could still fix the fence better than him. She wanted that to be understood. Maybe mumbling that under her breathe in the tone of murder wasn't good for communication, but whatever that was his problem.

......someone owed her kisses or cuddles or some shit for this....

Lo and behold upon one of her most decent pairs of work pants that was now a split in the fabric and section of her skin was little indentations of the teeth of that little mother fucker! She'd never had such a stupid problem in all her life, but that didn't stop her from being pised about it. She was gonna have to fix that you know! And the only thing she wanted biting her ass was J-

......

...............

....................

Oh hey look Josh was home! Look at that! Better go give him her attention and ditch that train of thought completely ok great.

Although if he was gonna call her that stupid name she might as well ignore him. She didn't care how much sentimental value and memories were contained in it at this point, it still sounded dumb. Maudley. What kind of name is that. "Don't you have nicer things to call me besides that?" No amount of hugs and kisses were going to make her think otherwise, but he was of course welcome to continue. Thankfully this time she wasn't startled. She had one too many surprises today and Josh was perhaps a little predictable in matters of affection.

"Of course it was done well. You do you think you're talking to, dear? I told you I didn't need any help." She return one or two kisses. Maude wasn't always the most affection, that went without saying. Between the two of them Josh gave out many more kisses than she did. Though sometimes she had moments like this morning where she just hold him hostage as long as she liked, most of the time she gave a few little gestures of affection throughout the day and let him do most of the cuddling. He did so like cuddling. Giving was nice now and again, but Maude kind of prefered receiving. She hoped that was selfish in any way. He didn't seem to mind, but she wondered sometimes.

Plus, neck kisses made her shiver, in a good way. She had a sneaking suspicious he enjoyed it, just because he probably would. Damn cute.

"... Unless you'd like to join me and kill two birds with one stone?"

"wh- shut up!" She blushed and instinctively yelled out of embarrassment. She just got herself to stop thinking about things like that! Just because she was older than him didn't mean she was more mature about everything. In quite a few areas, Maude was still just an easily-flustered, hormonal teenage and Josh wasn't always as predictable as che said he was.

The second he was gone she decided she needed something to do that wouldn't require thinking. She went to go make something in the kitchen. Lunch or dinner or whatever time of day it was. She didn't know something edible and probably containing orange squash. Whatever it was she started to make gave off quite the fragrance. Josh likely caught wind of it while freshening up. It was sweet, but savory, the kind of smell that made you realize how empty your stomach was. It was quite pleseant, until

"FUCK!!!"

The stream of curses did not stop or lessen in its volume or intensity. In fact they seemed to be getting more angry by the second and... there were a lot of bangs and crashes coming from the kitchen....

When Josh inevitably entered the zone, he'd find some black blur zipping around, scratching up the floorboards, knocking over chairs, not to mention his gorgeous girlfriend in bloodthirsty hunt with a knife in her mouth and the will to use it! Dinner was still unaccounted for and missing in action. Despite it's desperate ramage, the pig seemed completely unable to locate the door it had come in through and instead was headed out the kitchen, deeper into the house to cause untold destruction.

Unsurprisingly Maude's rage was not satisfied when that tiny motherfucker got out through her goddamn window! If she wasn't such large woman she would have been out through that window with him. Damn these fucking hips! They were never any good to her!

Oh! but she didn't need a window to go after it. Oh nonononono. She had doors for that since apparently she was the only one who used them! She built them into this goddamn house for a reason!

She practically kicked down the kitchen door to get outside, only to watch the pig jetting past in the doorway in the same direction it had escaped last time. Maude registered the animal just quick enough to desperately throw her knife, hoping, praying it would hit the thing. While the blade was thrown with the iron will of someone absolutely ready to murder, Maude also had no idea how to properly throw a knife. It flew far, but ti's aim was not true and it struck into the dirt a ways in front of the pig. It was enough to scare the confused animal and send it running in circles, unsure where else to go! If Maude only had something to finish it off....

"Josh give me Dragelix."

"What the hell are you doing!? Handle it my bitten and exposed ass! What the hell!? That things stole our food, Josh! And! It! Bit! Me! In! The! ASS! That's your job, damn it! I chased that fucker all over and you just let it go!? Look at our fucking kitchen! It's a wreck because of that things! Of all the sentimental bullshit you've pulled this is the most asinine! It's a pig! You eat pigs! I don't think you even like pigs! Moblins are pigs! You hate moblins! The one time I actually ask you to kill something and you can't do it! Why!?"

She would keep going until she was stopped. She really wanted that thing killed. Now in addition to fixing her best work pants and waiting for this pig to come back for a third time and dealing with Josh's comments, now she had to pick up the house and restart making that meal.

Fucking

Great