Something's Coming [Closed]

TAGSJosh Dragelion

An apology was cool. She was glad he'd figured it out, but if that was his reaction to her simply speaking, she didn't intend on putting much stock in his friendship from now on. I may not trust well, but I know when to wait. That... that doesn't make sense. Am I agreeing with myself? Wait, wait, if I don't trust well and I know when to wait to trust, is that contradicting itself, or am I saying "I don't trust well, but I also... don't trust well. That phrase needs finger guns. "I also... don't trust well." Bam. Yeah. Man, finger guns are such a great expression. You can either convey so much confidence — ooh, I was confident once. I remember when I stood on the fountain in that town to give a performance for Harper. I used to think I was hot stuff. Man, those were the good days. Speaking of good days, it's awful nice to — wait he's talking She shook her head, tuning back into Josh's... speech, or whatever.

Ah, cool, a romance thing. No, no, her internal commentary continued, it's fiiiiine, this doesn't make me miss Nero at all. Everything's cool and I'm no more bitter than willow bark. Come on, man, get to the point! Are you having lady troubles?? Spit it out! Whoa, wait, parents? Is he saying something about them being parents — no, no, our parents, my parents? W-
"W-whoa, hey now..." He'd taken her hands. No warning, nothing, that was not cool, and she was going to have those back, thanks. She twisted her wrists, flinging his hands off as best as she could, and took a step back, lips pulled very slightly back in a frightened animal's grimace.
What are you trying to say? He was afraid. He was really, really afraid. Huh. She wiped her hands on her pants subconsciously, not to remove any trace of him, but more to remove the feeling of anything having been on them at all —

...

Well, that was something. Her hands slowed to a stop. "You want what??" Nerina blinked. "You want... my blessing? Look, Josh, I'm not big on tradition, not like she is, but even I know..." She trailed off. "I... I'm all she has left, aren't I." She'd never considered this. Of course, she hadn't known her parents died, either, but that was something she'd pushed off considering for a long, long time, and didn't intend to work on, either. I'm... it. We are the last of the Lif family, and one of us is mentally unstable and probably needs to consider never reproducing for fear that her children will also be complete lunatics. Great. Cool. Okay.
She looked at him; there were shields in her eyes. "As much as I can understand the fact that you have literally no other option, I am not your best choice. Josh, I've been here for a week. You've been here... what, three years, right? Actually..." She cut herself off and took a step back. "I've seen how much you care. I see it in the banter and the way you curse when she overworks herself. I see it in how she wants so badly to be a good... not wife, yet, but she tries really hard to be anyway." Too blunt? Nahhhhh. He totally knows.
"So here is my decision." This probably wasn't what he wanted to hear, but it was what he was going to get. "I want three days." Nerina held out a hand with three fingers up. In a strange way, it looked like she was warding him off, telling him to stay back, that Maude wasn't going to be given up so easily. "In three days, I will call you back out here and give you an answer. That is my decision. Goodnight." She walked to the barn and shut the door.



Nerina spent that night pacing sleeplessly. She analyzed everything she had seen from both sides; after all, she knew Maude like few others could. They were, though she hated to say it, quite similar in certain aspects. This is the first time she's been this happy in... probably years, though, the woman wondered to herself. Do I have the right to take that away from her, even if I don't agree with them?
Eventually, though, she did fall asleep. As usual, it wasn't much of a rest, but it at least got her to the next morning. Luckily, it was a good day, and she had some extra energy to focus on what exactly was being said at the breakfast table. Heck. They're cute.
And by Josh, later in the day as they were picking stalls. They're cute.
And by Maude as Nerina brought in some extra fixings for dinner, gruffly but with a lot of feeling: THEY'RE CUTE!
And for the next two days, she found herself begrudgingly pulled into trusting Josh a little more, because he really had just been trying to protect his girlfriend. The big lug really would have a tough time hurting a fly. Well. Unless it bit Maude. I feel like he'd eviscerate it then. Even more surreally, she found herself finding Maude... tolerable, even a little friendly. When did she stop being so... stupid? Ah, Cathryn would say I'm going soft, but... I think I like being soft?
Dinner on the third day was interesting. Nerina didn't contribute much; she was pensive, sitting with her hands folded under her chin. They're... really good for each other. They balance each other really well, and... Maude was never really one for fighting. She has someone to protect her now. She has someone to care about, something to care for, and a farm of her own. She's doing what she loves with someone who loves her — and speaking of that, Josh's big heart is being put to a real good use. He clearly cares a lot about her, more than about anything else. I don't know... I guess I can't make as many judgements about him as I can about her, but I can see how her mere existence gives him something to fight for, even if what he's fighting is a stubborn rock in the field. He's so much more determined and set in himself now than how I remember him from Woodfall. It's a good change. But... She sighed and took another bite of her mashed potatoes. My only concern is that he's still sorta young. Won't he get restless? I don't care about — aahhhhhh, whatever. Point is, what if he leaves to go adventure and he doesn't come back? Maude will never remarry. She's not that kind of girl. (Well. Last I checked.) She will be broken. That's an issue. It stung to think about that. I wonder how he's doing... She shook her head and moved on. They work so well together, though. Is it worth more for them to be happy now and face sadness later? He makes her happy, really, really happy, and he won't leave her, unless he does get restless again. She makes him stronger, and she'll never stop loving him, even if he's gone. They would be so good, but I can't... trust him. No, this could be really, really bad.
"Hey Josh, can I bother you for a second about something in the barn?" Maude was washing the dishes, and Nerina felt pretty sure she wouldn't figure anything out, even if she had heard her. The woman walked to the door, casting a look behind her to make sure Josh was following, and stepped out into the night.

TAGSJosh Dragelion

"You two..." Nerina shook her head. "Your relationship... it's... so weird. I wish I knew how you met, because there must be a pretty good story, otherwise I would never have figured you'd end up with Maude." She wasn't making eye contact. "She's more fragile than she pretends to be, you know? And I don't mean the leg." Her blank look shifted into a slight frown. "You made it pretty clear what happened there, and... that wasn't a waste of my time." Her frown deepened into a very serious look. "I know it's a hypocritical thing to ask, but you shouldn't dwell on things like that. Bad things have happened. You can't pretend they didn't, or they'll end up creeping up on you when you least expect it, but you can't think about them forever. In the present, right now," she said, pointing at the ground for emphasis, "Maude is healthy — eh, fine, healing. She is happy. She trusts you and loves you. She does not blame you, she does not hate you, and she does not regret finding love with you. I can see that in her every day, and it's honestly freaking me out a little bit. I have never seen her this happy before. She does not find you guilty of any crime. Even if, Hylia forbid — and bear with me here, because this is not the easiest thing to think about — something equally or more horrible happens to her because of your absence, she will forgive you. She will not stay bitter, and she will not walk away from you, or tell you that it's your fault, or that it's anyone's fault. You just have to work on doing the same for yourself. Otherwise, well... A prison, especially that which is self-imposed, has never done anyone any good." Shaking off the frown, her poker face went back on. "But that isn't what I called you out here to talk about, of course."
There are so many potential future problems. And they've only known each other for three years! That's so short! They'll probably end up arguing — they're so different. Night and day, really. It's... so soon. Is it too soon? She paused. Nayru, grant me wisdom in my judgement.
"You two have problems. Not yet, maybe, but you will. There is so much potential for this relationship to go south..." Her mouth twisted into a wry smile. "Marriage is a big commitment. And I'm going to be rude here, because I have gotta say, I never expected you to settle down. You were always such a... loose cannon, I guess, but I'm not seeing that in you as much as I used to. Congratulations on growing up." Her grin was only a tiny bit too toothy. (It was intentional.) "I digress. Here's the thing, Josh. I can still see some sort of yearning in you. It's not wanderlust, but if it grows into wanderlust... that's dangerous. If you leave her, she will wait for you. If you leave her forever — and you understand that I am pointing to your death here — she will break. Maude has thrown everything she has into loving you. If you are taken away from her, I doubt she'll live more than a year or two. She will not handle that kind of sadness again. And as for her, even despite that, I've known her longer than you have. Sure, I'm making assumptions. Sure, I haven't been here. But I've seen a lot more of her than you have. She has a lot of bitter in her. You two are so different, honestly, and if you were anyone else, anyone I'd known for even one year less, I'd tell you no. In fact," she said, eyebrows lifting slightly, "I probably should. All my better judgement says no. Here is what I say." A beat, then: "Yes." this has the potential to be a terrible idea but HEYYYYY HERE WE GO "I believe you two have much more good in you than harm. So long as you never get tired of loving each other, I believe you'll go on to have a really, really happy life. I give you, Josh...ua?" She tilted her head, almost ready to ask, but then waved her hand dismissively. "Joshua Dragonsflame, my formal blessing to take the hand of Maude Amethyst Lif in marriage. May your union be long and happy."

TAGSJosh Dragelion

Her brows snapped together. "Your concern is... appreciated, but unnecessary." Like he thinks I deserve to have Nero back. Ha. "You and Maude are a better match. Enjoy yourselves." She turned on her heel and stalked away. This clearly hadn't been what she wanted to hear. "I'll be in the barn if you need... something. Probably." I need to leave. Definitely. She took a breath and slowed her pace an almost imperceptible amount. That would hurt Maude. Maude is all I have. She'd take me back, though. But this would be the third time. The third time, and she really wants me to stay, I think. I've been here too long. She threw open the barn door. I've been here too long, and they're probably tired of me. She felt her thoughts spinning faster and faster, throwing her off balance. I need to leave. Why do I need to leave? I've been helpful. Have I gotten in their way? Are they just tolerating me? I'm not worth this. They shouldn't have accepted me back. I'm probably hurting them by being here. I should go, I need to go, this isn't okay and I don't think I should be here, I'll hurt them, I probably already have, I'm packed? She looked at her hands. Apparently, she had mindlessly packed her belongings, just like she had for... how long was I away? It was natural. She threw the pack onto her back, and before she could blink, she was out the door.
Just like that, everything came crashing down around her. Nerina ran, dodging the light from the farmhouse's windows, until she hit the front gate, because what else could she do? A barn wasn't where she belonged. She didn't belong here, with people. She could hurt them. She would. She probably already had. See? Useless --
The woman stopped dead. "Cathryn."
And she turned on her heel and headed back towards the barn. "Shut up. This is the last time. You can't control me," she spat, then slowed her steps and breath. "I am not you. You are not me. We're different, and I hate you. Shut up and leave." Nerina stalked back to the barn and threw her pack to the side, stuffing her face in a haybale with a pained groan.
I'd love it if I could trust my own mind again...